à toi , ma bien aimée : L.T. Kim Dung,
I
It was noon. A big crowd in Saigon looked up
The sun was turning
purple
green
yellow
Buddha was shedding tears
I looked up too
what was it happening
( ...people are talking of the age old prophecies of Trạng Trình)
It was a misty morning in Dalat
The pilgrim
from anywhere
were climbing Lang Bian Heights
A story was spreading
any disease could be cured
by fire and incense
Standing at the top
I looked at the swarming crowd
True, our life today was too tiring
Frenzied people would go anywhere for some help
All of us were as the edge of an unfathomable abyss...
O my girl student I met by chance
What do you have if it's not love my dear
We need many things
a hell of a lot of things
Things will be worse
before they are better
Love is a pressing as freedom from hunger and thirst
Without it
my life is a nullity, a void ...
I hope
you'll share my faith in our land
Our faith in the future of each of us
You ' ll be back
you ' ll be with me
Love
real love
is what we need
It ' s all we ever need
This shabby land
should be destroyed by fire or by water or both
We ' ll build the sun anew
Once the river has flown
it will never roll back same again .
October 30, 1963
Yes, a predestined encounter
I was haunted by you
week after week
Now in hot , sweary Saigon
my heart is still in cool Dalat
I am thankful for all that
even if I am stripped of possessions
I would give all
for that precious encounter .
( When we shared our compassion for our wretched land
It really uplifted me )
How I hope
to see you again .
2
It was night
Saigon was as sad as a graveyard
Alas, poor people
were making love
even when they had empty bellies
I had been without a woman
for a long, long time
So at night I kept thinking of strange words ...
An eighteen year old girl
talked of sex
so expertly as a healer
Even when she was only a hairdresser
"... My being at home
at night
was not necessary
My stepfather
would try to seduce me
he was a horrible man ...
I want to follow my love
who has never pressed about marriage
As far as Dalat to pass the night together
We will be warm, we will be cold
And forget all , all, all... I want to follow anyman
I am thinking of dead young slodiers
who will never come back
My presence
in the family
at night
is not necessary at all ..."
3
My mates
have gone
I am left alone
in this dark, mean place
When has the red sun gone
I have not seen
the student
again
Now I am worrying
where will my next meat come from
Life is so difficult
a small cup of coffee
has become a luxury
Apart from this , I cannot believe what I read
what I am told
I ' m so miserable
I have no tears left
( The people in the West
are so mature )
We are so childish
in spite of our long history
We are so immature
we dare not have a cool
look at ourselves .
(Anyway
my simply remedy is as follows ) .
Let us refuse any aid
as long as we are not equals
( Two lovers who share the same bed but have different dreams, would do better to part ).
Just let us
live on our own
So that we can be ourselves
It is noon
The people of Saigon
are looking at the sun
They wait
All of us wait .
Saigon, October 30, 1963.
translated from
the vietnamese by DAM XUAN CAN .
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.Updated: 28.02.2009.
